{"id":487,"date":"2026-05-22T14:00:02","date_gmt":"2026-05-22T12:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/blog\/mi-hijo-se-porta-peor-conmigo-por-que-pasa-y-que-hacer-sin-culpa-4\/"},"modified":"2026-05-22T14:00:02","modified_gmt":"2026-05-22T12:00:02","slug":"my-child-behaves-worse-towards-me-why-it-happens-and-how-to-rebuild-the-bond-without-losing-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/blog\/my-child-behaves-worse-towards-me-why-it-happens-and-how-to-rebuild-the-bond-without-losing-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"\"My child behaves worse towards me\": why it happens (and how to rebuild the bond without losing boundaries)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"translation-block\">There's a phrase that really hurts: \"They treat everyone else well... except me.\" And it usually comes with guilt, exhaustion, and a silent question: \"What am I doing wrong?\"<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">The answer (though it won't alleviate your exhaustion) may bring you some relief: often your child doesn't behave worse towards you because they respect you less. They behave worse towards you because they feel safe with you.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">That's called decompression: endure it outside (school, therapy, the street) and collapse where you can let go. It's not manipulation. It's physiology.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">But be careful: safety is not permissiveness. Boundaries are also a form of connection. The key is learning to maintain both: calm + boundaries + repair.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Why it happens: the \u201cdecompression\u201d theory<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Many children spend the day making a huge effort:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">sustain attention<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">inhibit impulses<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">tolerate noise and demands<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">understand language quickly<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">adapt to changes<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">When they get home, their body says, \"I can't take it anymore.\" And it explodes with the person they trust the most.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Typical signs that it is not \u201cmisconduct\u201d, but deregulation<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">It gets worse when I get home<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">It gets worse before bedtime<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">It gets worse when you cut the screen<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">It worsens with hunger or sleepiness<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">It gets worse with changes in plans<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">It gets worse when there's a lot of talking or questions<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">If it happens repeatedly at those times, you're not dealing with \"a bad child.\" You're dealing with an overwhelmed nervous system.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">What usually makes things worse (unintentionally)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">When we're tired, we do what we can. But there are three things that usually add fuel to the fire:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Talking too much in a crisis<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Ask \"Why are you doing this?\"<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Trying to reason with a child when they are outside the window of tolerance<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">In a crisis, language doesn't come into play. In a crisis, regulation comes first.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">VICON protocol in crisis: 4 steps<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">1) Low demand (fewer words, more presence)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">You get closer, lower your tone, shorten your sentences.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">One slogan, or none.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">2) Short and clear limit<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cI don\u2019t stick.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cI don\u2019t bite.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cI don\u2019t break.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">No speech. No sermon.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">3) Regulatory alternative: The limit goes with an exit:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cSqueeze the ball.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cBreathe with me.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cCome on, wall.\u201d (pressure)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\"Water.\" (if it helps)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">4) Real pause. You wait. You don't fill. You don't negotiate. You hold.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">After the crisis: repair in 3 sentences<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">When it's over (even if it's 10 minutes later):<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cIt was difficult.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cI\u2019m with you.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cNext time, we\u2019ll do (an alternative).\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">He doesn't need to ask for a perfect apology. The relationship needs to be repaired.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Cold rehearsal (30 seconds) so that tomorrow is different<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">In a quiet moment, you practice the script:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">You: \u201cScreen saves.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">He: (slight protest)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">You: \u201cIt\u2019s difficult. I\u2019m with you. Ball.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Rehearsing without a crisis creates pathways. In a crisis, the brain uses pathways.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Prevention: the \u201carrival home kit\u201d<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">If the critical moment is arrival, try this for 7 days:<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">10 minutes of low demand (zero questions)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Snack\/water (low hunger tolerance)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">\u201cFirst\/then\u201d visual routine<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">A short regulatory activity (music, pressure, movement)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">It's not about giving in. It's about preventing collapse.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Typical mistakes (and how to correct them)<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Mistake:<\/strong> asking for explanations in the middle of a crisis.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Change:<\/strong> repair later, regulate first.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Error:<\/strong> long punishments when the child is dysregulated.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Change:<\/strong> short limit + alternative.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Error:<\/strong> arguing about the limit.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Change:<\/strong> ritual + script repetition.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">7-day mini plan<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 1:<\/strong> Identify the most critical moment.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 2:<\/strong> Reduce words at that time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 3:<\/strong> Define 1 short limit + 1 regulatory alternative.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 4:<\/strong> Create a transition ritual (timer\/first-then).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 5:<\/strong> Rehearse cold for 30 seconds.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 6:<\/strong> Record intensity\/duration (not perfection).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong>Day 7:<\/strong> Adjust: What lowered the crisis by 10%?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p>Checklist<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Fewer words in crisis<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Short limit<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Regulatory alternative<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Real pause<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Repair in 3 sentences<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Cold test<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\">Visual routine for transitions<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Frequently Asked Questions<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">So, do I have to let him do whatever he wants because it's deregulated? No. Regulation is not permissiveness. The limit remains, but it's maintained calmly and with a way out.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">What if he behaves worse with me, but not with his father? It could be due to roles, schedules, accumulated fatigue, or who has more demands. It's not a competition: it's about information.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">What do I do if I explode too? First: repair the damage. An adult who repairs the damage teaches more than a perfect adult. And if you can, prepare short phrases for when you're at your limit.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Does this work for children with limited language? Yes. In fact, the less language they have, the more important it is to reduce demands and use visual supports and routines.<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">Download the VICON Method App and try it for 7 days free with therapeutic support.<\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Android:<\/span> <a href=\"https:\/\/play.google.com\/store\/apps\/details?id=com.metodovicon.app\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"background-color: transparent\">https:\/\/play.google.com\/store\/apps\/details?id=com.metodovicon.app<\/a><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\">iOS: <a href=\"https:\/\/apps.apple.com\/es\/app\/mtodo-vicon\/id6479298778\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">https:\/\/apps.apple.com\/es\/app\/mtodo-vicon\/id6479298778<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hay una frase que duele mucho: \u201cCon todo el mundo se porta bien\u2026 menos conmigo\u201d. Y suele venir con culpa, con cansancio y con una pregunta silenciosa: \u201c\u00bfqu\u00e9 estoy haciendo mal?\u201d. La respuesta (aunque no te quite el\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":488,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50,51,58],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aprender-desde-casa","category-desarrollo-infantil","category-educacion-infantil"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=487"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/488"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}