{"id":495,"date":"2026-02-13T12:02:15","date_gmt":"2026-02-13T11:02:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/blog\/conductas-desafiantes-5-principios-tea-y-dificultades-del-lenguaje\/"},"modified":"2026-02-13T12:02:15","modified_gmt":"2026-02-13T11:02:15","slug":"challenging-behaviors-5-principles-to-reduce-intensity-without-punishment-in-children-with-asd-and-developmental-language-difficulties","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/blog\/challenging-behaviors-5-principles-to-reduce-intensity-without-punishment-in-children-with-asd-and-developmental-language-difficulties\/","title":{"rendered":"Challenging behaviors: 5 principles to reduce intensity (without punishment) in children with ASD and developmental\/language difficulties"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Your child hits. Bites. Yells. Throws things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">And you're left with a mixture of fear, guilt, and exhaustion.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Because a part of you thinks,<\/span> <em style=\"background-color: transparent\">\"What if it gets out of hand?\"<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">And another group is fed up with hearing:<\/span> <em style=\"background-color: transparent\">\"Set boundaries\"<\/em> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">as if that were a technique.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Let me be clear:<\/span> <strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">many behaviors that seem \"challenging\" are a nervous system in the red<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">It doesn't mean \"anything goes.\" It means that if you want to reduce the intensity, you need to stop putting out fires with punishments and start working with principles.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Here are 5.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Before the 5 principles: an idea that changes everything<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Behavior doesn't appear out of nowhere.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">It appears when the child:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">He cannot communicate what he needs,<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">He doesn't understand what's going to happen.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">is sensorially saturated,<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Or he's asking for control because inside he feels out of control.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If you only look at behavior, you're too late.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If you look at what causes it, you'll arrive in time.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">1) Behavior is communication<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">No, your child is not \"being bad\".<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">He is saying something with his body because he cannot say it with words (or because words are not enough for him at that moment).<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Frequent translations (to make it clearer)<\/span><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Pega: \u201cGet out of my way \/ you\u2019re invading my space \/ I don\u2019t know how to ask for space.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Bite: \u201cI\u2019m at my limit \/ I need to release.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">She shouts: \u201cThis overwhelms me \/ I don\u2019t understand \/ I can\u2019t take it anymore.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">She throws things away: \u201cI need control \/ I need to stop.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Key question (before correcting):<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\"What are you trying to say?\"<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">2) Anticipation: if you know it's coming, you get ahead of it.<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Many crises are predictable.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Not because the child \"chooses\" to have them, but because there are repeated triggers:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">transitions (leaving the park, turning off the screen, going to take a bath)<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">wait<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">hunger \/ sleep<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">noisy places<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">unstructured tasks<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Anticipation reduces anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Simple (and powerful) examples:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\u201cWe\u2019ll be finished in 5 minutes.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\u201cFirst shoes, then car.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\u201cWhen we arrive, we go to the bathroom.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If your child uses visual aids, even better:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">visual countdown<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">3-step schedule<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\u201cfirst \/ then\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">3) Offer alternatives (otherwise, the default behavior wins)<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If the child has no other tool, he will use the one that works: behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Your job is to show him a safer way out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Alternatives depending on need:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">To ask for space: point to \u201cpause\u201d, sign \u201cI need a break\u201d, gesture to \u201cstop\u201d.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">To relieve tension: squeeze a ball, push against a wall, breathe with bubbles.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">To choose without entering into a fight: \u201cA or B?\u201d (limited choice).<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">To ask for help: gesture, pictogram, keyword (\u201chelp\u201d).<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Golden rule:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">Don't wait for a crisis to teach it.<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Practice it calmly.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">4) Stay calm (your calm is its regulation)<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">When you yell, the child doesn't \"understand the limit\".<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">He gets scared.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">And when he gets scared, he becomes more deregulated.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">This is not \u201cbeing soft\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">This is understanding co-regulation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Mini script for the red moment:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">lower the volume<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">In a few words<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">stable posture<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">safe distance<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">A short, repeatable phrase: \u201cI\u2019m here. I\u2019ll help you.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">And yes: sometimes you're trembling inside.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">But on the outside, you are the ground.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">5) It's not personal (it's a nervous system in red)<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">This principle saves you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Because when you take it personally, you go to war.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">And when you go to war, the behavior escalates.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Your son is not saying:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\u201cI want to hurt you.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">He is often saying:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">\u201cI can\u2019t handle this.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Key perspective:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">The goal isn't to win. The goal is to get back to green.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">72-hour mini plan (to get started without going crazy)<\/span><\/h2>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Choose ONE behavior (only one) and work with it:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">Record 3 moments<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">(without judgment):<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1 translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">When does it happen?<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1 translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">What happened just before?<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1 translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">What did the behavior achieve?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ol>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">Add 1 anticipation<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">at that time.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">Add 1 alternative<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">(gesture\/pict\/object) and practice it calmly.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">Strengthen the small things<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">:<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1 translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If he asked for a break without shouting, that counts.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"ql-indent-1 translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If it stopped for 2 seconds, that counts.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Constancy &gt; perfection.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Quick checklist (to save)<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">I'm looking for the message behind the behavior<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">I am anticipating transitions<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">My son has a concrete alternative.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">I lower the volume and use few words<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">Remember: it's not personal, it's regulation.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>\n<p class=\"translation-block\"><span style=\"background-color: transparent\">If you want step-by-step tools to work on attention, imitation, communication and language (which are usually the basis for reducing many behaviors), you can try<\/span> <strong style=\"background-color: transparent\">the VICON Method<\/strong> <span style=\"background-color: transparent\">for 7 days free.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"background-color: transparent;\">Android:<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/play.google.com\/store\/apps\/details?id=com.metodovicon.app\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"background-color: transparent; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"> <\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/play.google.com\/store\/apps\/details?id=com.metodovicon.app\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"background-color: transparent; color: rgb(17, 85, 204);\">https:\/\/play.google.com\/store\/apps\/details?id=com.metodovicon.app<\/a><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"background-color: transparent;\">iOS:<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/apps.apple.com\/us\/app\/m%C3%A9todo-vicon\/id6479298778\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"background-color: transparent; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);\"> <\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/apps.apple.com\/us\/app\/m%C3%A9todo-vicon\/id6479298778\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"background-color: transparent; color: rgb(17, 85, 204);\">https:\/\/apps.apple.com\/us\/app\/m%C3%A9todo-vicon\/id6479298778<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tu hijo pega. Muerde. Grita. Tira cosas. Y t\u00fa te quedas con una mezcla de miedo, culpa y agotamiento. Porque una parte de ti piensa: \u00ab\u00bfY si se me va de las manos?\u00bb Y otra parte est\u00e1 harta de escuchar: \u00abPon l\u00edmites\u00bb como\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":496,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[50,62,60],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-aprender-desde-casa","category-autismo-y-comunicacion","category-desarrollo-del-lenguaje"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/495","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=495"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/495\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/496"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=495"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=495"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/metodovicon.articagency.net\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=495"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}