When the nervous system is on alert (and you notice it in everything)
There are days when it seems like nothing clicks. You talk to him and he doesn't respond. You ask him to "look at me" and he walks away. You try "just something quick" and he explodes. And then the guilt creeps in: "Am I doing something wrong?"
In many children with autism, this isn't disobedience or a lack of boundaries. It's a nervous system in alarm mode . And when the body is in alarm, the brain prioritizes survival, not cooperation.
Typical “warning” signs in autism (without dramatizing)
- He covers his ears, avoids eye contact, moves constantly, or freezes.
- Rejects minor changes (clothing, food, route)
- It goes from 0 to 100 in seconds
- It seems like he "doesn't listen" when you talk to him.
It's not that I don't want to. It's that I can't at that moment.
Why asking "listen to me" doesn't work
Because “paying attention” requires:
- Shared attention
- Flexibility
- Frustration tolerance
- Receptive language
And all of that decreases when the body interprets danger (even if the "danger" is noise, haste, hunger, tiredness or uncertainty).
What does help: 5 tips to lower your anxiety
- Demand is down, connection is up : first presence, then request.
- Anticipate with a short routine : “first-then” (without long speeches).
- Reduce stimuli (if you can): light, noise, people, screens.
- It offers a regulating action : water, gentle deep pressure, quiet corner, movement.
- Speak less and more clearly : a phrase, a gesture, a pause.
The key idea
In autism, regulation isn't about "behaving well." It's about returning to the body so that the brain can become available again.
