At the restaurant, your child has lost their temper. And while you try to calm them down, you notice the stares from the other tables. And then, during the family meal, the phrase comes. It always comes:
"It's because you spoil him too much." "What this guy needs is a firm hand." "My grandson was like that too, and look, he's grown out of it now." "Oh, in my day this was handled differently."
And you swallow it all. You smile. You change the subject. And inside, something breaks, because you've spent months working, researching, fighting... and in ten seconds someone reduces it to you being a soft mother.
Why summer hurts more
During the school year, life takes place in familiar settings: school, therapy, home. In the summer, however, you're exposed to a wider range of situations. Crowded restaurants, busy beaches, extended family who only see you once a year and have opinions about everything. More people, more new environments, and a child who's more emotionally unstable because of the summer itself.
It's the perfect storm. It's no coincidence that August is the month in which the most families write to me emotionally exhausted.
What is really happening
I want you to be very clear about this, because it's what will sustain you when the comment comes:
Your child isn't misbehaving. Their body is overwhelmed. What others see as a tantrum is almost always a nervous system that has reached its limit and can't take any more. Behavior is a message, not a challenge.
And you don't indulge him. You support him. Not yelling at him, hugging him, taking him away, not forcing him to "endure it like a normal child" isn't weakness. It's the right response, the one the evidence suggests, the one that teaches that child to regulate himself instead of fearing you.
The fact that others don't understand it doesn't make it any less true.
How to respond (without spending all your energy)
You don't have to educate the world. You're on vacation, not at a conference. Have three answers prepared and choose depending on who you're with:
- To the stranger at the next table: nothing. Not a word. You don't owe any explanation to someone who's never going to see you again. Your energy is focused on your child, not on their opinion.
- For acquaintances or distant relatives: a short, concise phrase. "They have a different way of processing stimuli, and we're working on it with professionals. Thank you." And change the subject. Don't engage in the debate: you won't win, and it will only drain you.
- For the close family member who truly matters: this is definitely worth a conversation, but not in the heat of the moment and not in front of them. Another day, alone, calmly: "I need your support in this, even if you don't fully understand. When you say that in front of me, you make what's already difficult even harder." And offer them something concrete they can do. People help better when they know how.
What is not seen
They see ten minutes of a meal. They don't see the nights. They don't see the logistics. They don't see the reports, the therapies, the waiting lists. They don't see every new word celebrated like a final won. They don't see how far your child has come, because they don't know where they came from.
You do. And that's the only barometer that matters.
Get back to what you do best.
When the noise from outside gets loud, the answer is to return to the small things: your child, you, and that little bit of time each day where nobody is watching and where things do move forward.
That's the VICON Method: ten minutes a day, just you and your child, with music and play , in the only place where you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. And an evaluation that gives you back something no comment can take away: data . Where they were, where they are now, how much they've progressed. Objective proof of everything you're doing right.
👉 Your child's progress, in black and white: try the VICON Method free for a week → https://www.metodovicon.com/login#registro
She's not lacking in a firm hand. She's got too many people giving their opinions, and you're not her mother. Keep going.
