The 10 keys to managing tantrums and building family harmony.
BUILD. POSITIVISM. REALISTIC. RESCUE. TRANQUILITY AFFECTION. PREVENTION. BAD TECHNOLOGIES. WITHOUT FEAR.
– [ ] Build
The way you react, act, and resolve is the way your children will do socially in the future. So be consistent and build a framework of not perfection but self-reflection, example and analysis that makes a difference, cultivate yourself because it is also very likely that you will find that your own shortcomings are those of your children and by solving them you are helping them to do so. themselves. Think about whether the way you behave with them is the way you would like them to behave with their friends, their boss, their partner... Especially in moments where there is conflict or lack of communication because that is where they seem to appear. difficulties in adults and children.
– [ ] Positivism
Neutrality is a good starting point, since a smile when faced with a moment of stress in our little ones could almost be a sign of mockery. After this phase of making contact with the situation we can build forward, we must always tend to take the good things out of all situations, the mere fact of expressing is already a good starting tool to self-control one's own behavior, if We do not express that we are talking about another degree in which more elaborate resources are needed to reach this same point of redirecting not so acceptable behaviors. Keep it in mind. On the other hand, we must arm ourselves with positive teaching strategies, sharing spaces where everything is motivating, magical, fun and incredible. Immersed in completely busy lives, we have to continue finding the time to have that load of positive experiences that fill our children's batteries because when there is a shortage of them it is a clear indicator that negative or, let's say, less constructive situations may arise. When we stop seeing the good side of things we inevitably see the bad or we get closer to the neutral and depending on our own personality we will return to the positive or we will go to the negative but keep in mind that there will be changes so never forget to laugh, share, play , sing, read, listen and invent any excuse to be with your children.
– [ ] Realistic
Children misbehave not because they want to but because they can't. There are many things to take into account at the moment of a tantrum in which the child brings out his entire arsenal (which he neither controls nor knows) to express his internal inconsistencies that with little experiential baggage can hardly be made less attractive. It is nothing personal, they do not intend to ridicule the adult, trying at an early age to make them aware of what they cause around them is far removed from the purpose of this resolution, which is to learn to manage the volcanic energy that gushes out from within them, They are in full effervescence and will never have the capacity to be so objective as to take into account the little old lady who passes by and the reaction she may have when she sees him. Forget about these facts and do not focus on others but on your child who is the one who needs you and is also the most effective way to end that situation that can be uncomfortable depending on what situations and contexts.
- [ ] Rescue
Ir al punto donde se encuentra vuestro pequeño, tenéis que darle un momento de expresión y desahogo que al final uno de los objetivos suele ser ese, dar espacio a algo que nos bloquea y que normalmente sale con las personas con las que nos permitimos ser nosotros mismos con todas las consecuencias, nuestros padres y hermanos. Es común ver a madres y padres diciendo que esas «rabietas»solo salen con ellos y eso no significa otra cosa que los vínculos están perfectamente consolidados y representan la solidez familiar como espacio de fortaleza donde puedo dejarme ir, desbloquear y dejar fluir lo que a veces he estado controlando en otros contextos durante quizás demasiado tiempo.
- [ ] Tranquillity
Más nervioso tú más tranquilo yo. Hay que intentar invocar a nuestro lado más zen, ese que nos permite, con toda nuestra madurez, respirar y mirar más allá de lo que vemos superficialmente, empatizar con nuestros pequeños y ayudarles en el proceso de salir de la cueva de la frustración, es uno de los sentimientos que van de la mano en este tipo de procesos, desencadenados por multitud de causas y provocando un abanico grande de situaciones; silencio, enfado, agresividad, dolor… Ese no saber porque ha bajado nuestra autoestima y no puedo afrontar lo que quiero afrontar de manera natural como hago con millones de cosas.
- [ ] Keen
El cariño es algo que no debería faltar en cualquier situación de estrés para encararla de una manera receptiva, esto pasa en multitud de situaciones cotidianas no sólo en la educación de nuestros hijos, también en el trabajo, la pareja, los amigos… El camino del afecto es mucho más efectivo, fortalece la confianza y las relaciones que cualquier otro que hayas conocido por eso la familia establece los lazos de esta manera, aunque es cierto que las individualidades, los egos, los círculos de confort a veces chocan porque dejan de un lado este aspecto y lo centralizan en el afecto a uno mismo y se olvidan de lo preciado que es poder trasvasar esto a los demás porque se vuelve mucho más potente y constructivo. Una herramienta muy efectiva es el contacto físico y la altura, hemos de tener en cuenta que nuestros pequeños son eso, pequeños y la altura en estas situaciones cuenta, prueba a poner a tu hijo/a arriba a tu misma altura o bajarte tú a su misma altura de tal manera que el contacto ocular sea directo y de igual a igual eso no sólo cambiará la manera en ellos sino en ti también, da cercanía, empatía y nos permite ver las cosas desde otra perspectiva porque rompemos con las tónicas normales de posicionamiento y esto ayuda a salir de nuestro ensimismamiento y en consecuencia del suyo.
– [ ] Prevention
(hambre, soledad, cansancio, aburrimiento, frustración) cuando tenemos rabietas repetitivas podemos diagnosticar porqué suceden, cuando, ante qué situación, con qué personas, en qué espacios, a qué horas… Y esto nos dará las herramientas necesarias para prevenirlas, una de las estrategias más interesantes que existen poder pregestionarlas y evitarlas para poder fomentar eso que decíamos al principio de práctica positiva, evitándoles las situaciones (que siempre se darán) donde ellos puedan sentirse desprotegidos hasta que ellos generen las herramientas necesarias para ponerlas en práctica. No se trata de meterlos en un cascarón de cristal si no potenciar sus vivencias positivas para que cuando vengas las no tan positivas sean capaces de gestionar su energía quedándose de nuevo con la más abundante, la positiva.
– [ ] Bad technologies
Get rid of distractors and incoherent examples in tantrums. We are at a time when new technologies are deteriorating relationships, conversations are carried out without attention and without eye contact, the examples they receive are filled with people glued to screens answering questions from afar and comforting children without contact. We will wonder why children are so eager for new technologies, they are attractive and motivating but it is the first thing our parents do when they wake up and the last thing when they go to bed, not counting the countless times we look at the phone, the iPad or sit on the couch. computer. Let's ask ourselves for a moment how much time a day we spend playing with our children, without interruption!, painting, telling them a story, dancing to our favorite songs or jumping on the bed... It is interesting the new currents that arise giving courses in mindfulness, of being where I am, enjoy and live what I am doing at every moment, this is something very valuable that our children have to take into the world with them.
- [ ] Without fear
Avoid aggression when there are tantrums. All of our children's reactions provoke sensations in us and reactions resulting from this mirror that they provoke with their own. When they are achievements, contagious laughter, the first steps, their relationships with objects... They are logically sensations of pride, happiness, joy... But it is logical, on the other hand, to think about the type of sensations that other things will cause, such as tantrums, aggression, crying... And this is an aspect to take into account because it will largely determine the type of response we will generate in these situations. Sometimes our ego is affected when our children do not behave as we expect or have tantrums, when instead of being the father of the child who bites he is the father of the child who bites, when we put ourselves in the center of the social eye and prioritize what they will say to what we will say to help our children. Consistency and emotional determination is the best tool we can find to establish the limits of our children's behavior under an umbrella of understanding or otherwise of support and security, giving rise to foster care and the luck of having a father and a mother who will be there even if we are not perfect children.
– [ ] Speak, speak and then speak against the tantrums.
It is the tool par excellence, not only in moments of tantrums because here it is usually more difficult to establish dialogue, but rather they are sensations, looks, positions that play a more important role in the first phase of connection but then comes the more verbal phase where We have to analyze the situation, emotions, feelings and thoughts and verbalize it. For this, it is very important that our children have prior skills to be able to face the occasion of a tantrum with reflection, analysis and planning and action with tools that they have been generating throughout their experiences with their parents, stories where these situations occur. to be able to make associations between situations with other classmates, with siblings and at other times where everything was understood more easily because it was a game of reflection on a more external situation and this leads us to facilitate that moment of self-reflection.
Be parents, try, try and put all the imagination you can, make mistakes and ask for forgiveness, keep trying and you will always be building a direct bridge to your children who sometimes will be closer and other times will be further away but will always be proud and sure of that you never stopped trying.
Cristina Oroz Bajo
